小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷：巴西击败秘鲁夺得美洲杯冠军，阿根廷战胜智利获得季军；墨西哥战胜美国夺得北美金杯赛冠军，美国女足则战胜荷兰女足，勇夺第四座女足世界杯冠军。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

热苏斯传射又染红，巴西3-1秘鲁捧得美洲杯

HarbyFullyLoaded_12(利物浦球迷)：埃弗顿终于赢得了点什么，我很欣慰。(Nice to see Everton finally win something.)

LLAbcd(巴西球迷)：这场比赛对我们是双赢！获胜了就可以夺冠，输了就可以致信南美足联把贿款还给我们呀！(Its a Win-win for us , we can either win this thing or we can write a letter to CONMEBOL asking for a refund.)

Insertdankmeme(未知主队球迷)：梅西的那番话应该给秘鲁帮忙了，看起来裁判很想证明自己绝不是偏袒巴西…(I think Messi's comments could have helped Peru tonight. Seems like the ref is making it very clear he isn't biased towards Brazil.)

PersianDj(皇马球迷)：马特奥今天一定是巴西球迷！(Mateo will cheer for Brazil now.)

NoseSeeker(委内瑞拉球迷)：友情提示下，巴西和秘鲁都没能在小组赛击败我们，那美洲杯冠军是不是也得分给我们委内瑞拉一份呢？(Friendly reminder that neither of these teams could beat us in the group stage. So I think it's only fair that the winner has to share the Copa with us.)

Kuntheman(曼城球迷)：作为阿根廷的曼城球迷，这场比赛看得我真是纠结…(The conflicted feelings of being an Argentine Man City fan.)

rafitoxD(帕尔梅拉斯球迷)：非常感谢所有帮助我们控制南美足协的人，没有你们我们真的夺不了冠呢！(I ANNA THANK EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THE RIGGING. WE COULDN'T WIN WITHOUT YOU.)

limito1(克鲁塞罗球迷)：这就是我交税的理由！这样我的祖国就可以贿赂FIFA和南美足联官员了！(That's the reason I pay taxes, so my country can buy FIFA and CONMEBOL officials.)

SmokingSnake445(未知主队球迷)：蠢萌又性感的阿利松，这长城般的防守连中国都只能羡慕呢！(Stupid sexy Alisson, the Great Wall China can only ever dream of.)

10PointsForStAndrews(苏格兰球迷)：阿利松今年得了3次金手套奖了，可是却只有两只手，另一只手套应该套在哪里呢？(Three gloves but only two hands. Hash Tag First Place Problems.)

梅西染红，阿根廷2-1智利

Kaniyan_Poongunran(利物浦球迷)：27年没有夺冠的阿根廷国家队，是所有世界杯冠军得主里冠军荒最长的了！英格兰除外。(Argentina's wait for a major title continues(27 years since the 1993 Copa America).Only England have a longer active drought amongst World Cup winners.)

rodinj(荷兰球迷)：那他们至少也赢得过世界杯冠军啊…(At least they won a world cup once :(

Masterkid1230(沙尔克04球迷)：现在可以说阿根廷就是南美英格兰队了？(Is Argentina the U.K. of South America? Probably.)

bored-skull(未知主队球迷)：与此同时，马特奥在家大喊道：“我是南美足协的裁判！”(Meanwhile Mateo Messi at home - "I'm CONMOBEL referee.")

Harkoncito(智利球迷)：这场比赛绝对是我看过的时间最长的闹剧。(This is the longest meme I've watched.)

Untheman(阿根廷球迷)：有球员参加这场比赛的俱乐部，看球的时候估计都得吓尿裤子了…(All the club teams with players in this game were watching this game pissing their pants.)

ProfesserFinesser7(墨西哥球迷)：我祝愿裁判以后的手机充电器永远都短一截，躺在床上充电就翻不了身！(I hope the refs phone charger is always short enough he can’t roll over to the other side of the bed.)

Mozambikini(未知主队球迷)：我祝愿裁判花一整天都在念念不忘家里的最后一块蛋糕，结果回去一看已经被人给吃掉了！(I hope the ref spends all day thinking about the last slice of cake but when he gets home someone has already eaten it.)

natedeezy_3(未知主队球迷)：看来梅西学会了利物浦的快发角球，今天就学以致用了呢！(Messi learned from that quick strike Liverpool did on his boys.)

Shuryl(博卡球迷)：说实话，想要看懂斯卡洛尼的换人，你得拥有极其高的智商才行。(To be fair you actually have to have a very high IQ to understand Scaloni's substitutions.)

热苏斯菲尔米诺进球，巴西2-0阿根廷

arbitro_de_vidro(巴西球迷)：阿利松这是能看穿未来10秒内能发生的事吧！(Alisson saw 10 seconds into the future.)

XxCarrascoxX(秘鲁球迷)：阿利松扑住梅西的射门，好像在说：“对不起，这里不是诺坎普，下次再接再厉哦！”(Alison catching that like telling Messi "Sorry, this isn't Camp Nou, try again.)

MatiasM8(阿根廷球迷)：如果每次奥塔门迪XJBT的时候我就喝上一杯，那今晚我就得酒精中毒死亡不可…(Take a shot every time Otamendi fucks something up. I'll be dead from alcohol poisoning by the end of the night.)

affenhirn1(巴萨球迷)：我相信奥塔门迪就是一个机器人，编程设定为百分百的传球失误率！(I'm convinced Otamendi is a robot programmed to lose 100% passing accuracy.)

KroenkesAdvocate(阿森纳球迷)：和奥塔门迪相比，穆斯塔菲也算是个体面人。(Otamendi make Mustafi look composed.)

GeorgeLockhartFanAMA(利物浦球迷)：瓜迪奥拉带着奥塔门迪都能夺冠，看来他确实是第一教练了…(The fact that Guardiola won anything with Otamendi is proof that he's the best ever.)

Swbp0undcake(多特球迷)：梅西怎么还一度踢上右后卫位置了…(Messi was playing right back for a bit there.)

Zvronsnifsky(未知主队球迷)：阿根廷虽然有教皇，奈何巴西有耶稣！(Argentina have the Pope but Brazil have Jesus.)

(注：梵蒂冈教皇方济各是阿根廷人，热苏斯英文Jesus本意为“耶稣”)

Rusiano(瓦伦西亚球迷)：即使是到了10亿岁，阿尔维斯依然是巴西最好的后卫！(Even when he is like a billion years old, Dani Alves still feels like the best fullback Brazil could have.)

melihs11(热刺球迷)：让58岁的马拉多纳上场，估计都比今天的迪马利亚强得多！(A 58 year old Maradona would be more effective than Di Maria at this point.)

44年来首进决赛，秘鲁3-0智利

Joferifafar(智利球迷)：我们是故意输的，下地狱也要和阿根廷在一起！(We lost on purpose. We wanted to hunt Argentina in hell.)

MaxPayne4life(未知主队球迷)：真正的决赛其实是争第三名…(The real final is the 3rd place match.)

捧得金杯冠军，墨西哥1-0美国

Palifaith(未知主队球迷)：作为丢冠的惩罚，就让美国男足代替美国女足去白宫吧！(The US men's team now has to go to the White House instead of the Women's team as punishment.)

Off_Topic_Oswald(美国球迷)：要被迫吃一天冰凉的麦当劳，还得和川普一起尴尬合影，这惩罚看来很到位啊！(Being forced to spend a day eating cold McDonalds and stand for awkward photo ops with Trump sounds like an appropriate punishment.)

勇夺世界杯冠军，美国女足2-0荷兰女足

PiGuys(未知主队球迷)：为了避免3-0的领先，美国女足已经很努力了…(US did everything they could to avoid a dangerous 3-0 lead.)

waldron76(布里斯托流浪者球迷)：荷兰女足的崛起，让我们有了双倍的机会去见证荷兰队获得世界杯亚军…(the rise of womens football has presented us with the exciting possibility of seeing the dutch lose world cup finals twice as often as we previously thought possible.)

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！