国外也有段子手：无点球大战，不美洲杯！

小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷，阿根廷、巴西、智利和秘鲁会师美洲杯四强，四场1/4决赛里竟出现了三次点球大战。女足世界杯赛场，铿锵玫瑰们0-2不敌意大利女足。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

半决赛战巴西，阿根廷2-0委内瑞拉

Gabocorbo(国米球迷)：阿根廷赢了，马特奥脱下了委内瑞拉的球衣，然后又换上了巴西球衣...(Argentina: Wins. Mateo: Takes off Venezuela's shirt and puts on a Brazil one.)

Max0699(曼城球迷)：阿根廷在半决赛血虐巴西，只为到决赛再被智利点球大战击败…这就是宿命。(The scenes when Argentina thrash Brazil in the Semis only to lose on penalties to Chile in the final. It is destined.)

Soraka30cmMOLE(未知主队球迷)：我好想有个女朋友能像梅西信任队友一样信任我…(I want a girl who trust in me like Messi trust in his teammates lol.)

Aosaka129(未知主队球迷)：我怀疑你要给她戴绿帽子。(So you want to cheat on her?)

Matheusj99(巴萨球迷)：还真是第一次见梅西被阿根廷队友带着飞的比赛…(The first time I've ever seen Argentina carrying Messi for game.)

pookachu123(未知主队球迷)：这也是第一次见阿根廷的战术不是传球给梅西然后等他XJBT…(This is the first time I've ever seen Argentina's tactics that were more than "pass the ball to Messi and let him do shit".)

晋级四强，巴西点球淘汰巴拉圭

Gnorrn(未知主队球迷)：这场比赛就是巴西在示范射门怎样才能“只蹭蹭不进去”的花式方法。(This game is like a cosmic joke to see how close Brazil can get to scoring without actually putting the ball in the net.)

GiantTurdAsteroid(切尔西球迷)：我是中立球迷，但现在我菊花都紧张到脱肛了…(I’m a neutral and my asshole is prolapsing.)

capitainfriendly(巴西球迷)：每次觉得我们踢得好烂的时候，我就安慰自己起码没有踢得像阿根廷那样更烂…(Everytime I think we're playing bad I think to myself It could be worse, we could be Argentina.)

6_T_I_M_E_S(利物浦球迷)：裁判看VAR的时候应该给观众也播放VAR展示的内容啊，你播放裁判站在那看屏幕的镜头有啥意思？(Instead of showing us the ref looking at a fucking screen, roducers need to start showing the exact same images the ref is looking at. That's ridiculous.)

3进球无效，乌拉圭点球负秘鲁

das_not_nais(未知主队球迷)：好吧，现在我们来预测一下决赛形势——巴西VS智利：“智利喜提三连冠！”巴西VS秘鲁：“尼玛怎么老是你？”阿根廷VS秘鲁：“梅西个人秀！”阿根廷VS智利：“哈哈哈哈！”(Okay, let's look at our banter potential for the Final: Brazil vs Chile = "Chile wins 3rd time". Brazil vs Peru = "Aw shit here we go again". Argentina vs Peru = "Messi time". Argentina vs Chile = "JAJAJAJA")

tsaw02(河床球迷)：我猜阿根廷肯定会击败巴西，然后在决赛里再输给智利！天命啊...(Let me guess, we beat Brazil and lose to Chile in the final again. God dammit.)

CacRodrigz(阿根廷球迷)：你这第一步就猜错了。(You were wrong in the first step.)

Noticemesempais(秘鲁球迷)：秘鲁这招妙啊，不朝乌拉圭门将射门，这样他到点球大战的时候就冻感冒了！(Peru masterclass. Don't shoot at Uruguayan goalie so he is cold for penalties.)

gabocorbo(国米球迷)：穆斯莱拉整场比赛90分钟都没扑救，加上点球大战也还是没有…(Muslera dind't manage a single save duning the 90' and neither during the penalty kicks.)

maxiperalta54(阿根廷球迷)：万万没想到，我们竟然是1/4决赛唯一能进球的球队…(Who would have thought that we would be the only team to score a goal in the Quarterfinals lmao.)

DerpJungler(曼城球迷)：美洲杯的训练计划：周一到周五每天3小时踢点球！(Copa America Training regime: 3 hours of penalty kicks monday-friday.)

Noticemesempais(秘鲁球迷)：我宁愿这场输给乌拉圭，也不想在半决赛输给智利！(I would rather Peru lose to this Uruguay team than to Chile.)

MrAshh(阿森纳球迷)：秘鲁和智利之间充满了政治和历史问题的敌对，而不是像巴西和阿根廷那样只是足球上的死敌…(Peru-Chile is also a political, historical rivalry, while Brazil-Argentina is “just”a football rivalry.)

Igloo433(巴萨球迷)：秘鲁对巴西能输成0-5，现在却又淘汰了乌拉圭…(Peru get smacked 5-0 by Brazil but somehow beat Uruguay wow.)

Yimanya(奥林匹亚科斯球迷)：美洲杯新战术诞生了：靠VAR狗全场，然后点球大战取胜！(A new tactic was born in this Copa America: "VAR yourself to Penalty Kicks".)

紧张激烈，智利点球淘汰哥伦比亚

Afk94(阿根廷球迷)：如果我们还能混到决赛，再和智利踢个点球大战就真蛋疼了…(If we somehow face Chile in the final and it goes to penalties we are so fucked.)

Leancarp900(未知主队球迷)：我都预见到了，阿根廷好死赖活地赢了巴西，然后决赛里点球输给智利…(Argentina shithousing a victory vs Brazil, then losing the final in penalties vs Chile incoming...)

Joaorsilva(本菲卡球迷)：智利和点球大战，还有比这般配的一对吗？(chile and penaltis, name a better duo.)

GuanaSucxk(未知主队球迷)：阿根廷和亚军。(Argentina and 2nd places.)

Hornetbite8(阿根廷球迷)：说得就跟我们能进决赛似的…(Are you sure we can manage a final?)

Shabablife(未知主队球迷)：看了这么多场女足世界杯，我都快忘了男人踢球的速度可以这么快了！(Been watching so much Women’s World Cup that I forgot how much faster the men’s game is.)

Mrcyevon(未知主队球迷)：哥伦比亚在小组赛的表现是最好的，结果出线后遇见的是最难啃的骨头…(Colombia got the toughest team after being the only team going perfect in the group stage.)

得势不得分，中国女足0-2意大利女足

thesilentGinlasagna(巴萨球迷)：如果当初是中国女足球员去射杀图派克，那他现在应该还活着…(If Tupac’s shooter was a Chinese woman he’d still be alive today.)

75r6q3(中国队球迷)：那也比我们的男足强多啦，哈哈！(Still miles better than our men’s team... hmmm.)

MiniHumpback(中国队球迷)：什么时候我们的男足也能在世界杯淘汰赛上踢一次意大利啊…(When could our men’s team also play against Italy in a World Cup knockout…)

Lacerdanio(意大利球迷)：你还记得上次意大利男足进世界杯淘汰赛是啥时候么…(Do you remember the last time we were in a World Cup knock out?)

starcom_magnate(诺维奇球迷)：中国女足全队都有不错的一脚触球，极佳的视野和精准的传球，结果一到对方球门前就不知道怎么射门了…(China's whole team - Great first touches, wonderful sight for picking out nice passes ... absolutely NO CLUE what to do once they're in front of goal.)

Taylorrible(未知主队球迷)：中国女足就算有了单刀机会也会传球吧！(Chinese players could have an open goal and they’d still try to pass the ball to someone else.)

Deansredhalo(热刺球迷)：看中国女足踢球让我想起了小时候练篮球的样子，每次教练都要让我们进行传跑演练，而且必须完成X次传球才被允许投篮…(Watching China reminds me of when I was growing up and playing youth basketball, the coaches would make us run a drill where we would be required to complete X number of passes before anyone was allowed to shoot.)

Paspoort(意大利球迷)：这意大利国歌让我好心酸，因为我再也看不到布冯在场上唱这首歌了…(That Italian anthem made me sad about the fact that we'll never see Buffon sing it again.)