国外也有段子手：科斯塔剧透了权游？

小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，巴萨赢下了和马竞的强强对话，利物浦联赛取胜继续领跑，曼城晋级足总杯决赛，拜仁大胜多特后升至榜首，尤文也赢下了和AC米兰的焦点之战。同时，阿森纳客场输球，皇马则逆转战胜埃瓦尔。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

梅西苏神进球，巴萨2-0马竞

Afk94(巴萨球迷)：在同一场比赛里一会儿像是世界最佳前锋，一会儿又像是吐饼大王，苏牙到底是咋做到的…(How does Suarez look like the best and worst striker in the world in every match. Incredible.)

BenaGD(曼联球迷)：要是我们一直给苏牙门前良机，那他不就一直进不了球啦？(We're good with suarez as long as we give him easy chances.)

Rayhann(曼联球迷)：哈哈，我们禁区里可是有囧斯和扬教授，苏牙怕是得做噩梦啦，怎么也有10次空门踢不进吧！(Lmao with Jones and Young in our side, Suarez is gonna have a nightmare of a game missing 10 clear chances.)

CaptainDank0(巴萨球迷)：确实，不过苏牙吐饼吐多了，就会激发“360度自抢自射盲踢倒钩凌空世界波”的进球技能…(Yeah but you also risk him scoring a 360 no-look self assist bicycle kick volley if he misses too many sitters.)

Iskaon(巴萨球迷)：迭戈-科斯塔一定是向裁判剧透《权力的游戏》大结局了！(costa must've spoiled game of thrones endgame for the ref LOL.)

MGPIDA(未知主队球迷)：什么？那我觉得砍头才是对他最合理的处罚。(WTF? Better to chop his head off in this case.)

zod0707(西班牙球迷)：梅西特么摆腿频率到底有多快，感觉对方后卫都没来及眨眼，这球就射出去了…(Wtf is that leg speed from messi? Strikes the ball even before a defender blinks his eyes.)

Strananach(克罗地亚球迷)：相比于看小黄片，我更喜欢看梅西踢球。(I love watching this man more than porn.)

hitler_sucked_balls(巴萨球迷)：巴萨这进球，就像是买一送一似的…(It’s like Buy one get one free.)

Aberdisco(阿斯顿维拉球迷)：苏亚雷斯得到的空间，比乐事薯片袋子里的空气还多...(Suarez had more space than a bag of Lay's there.)

PelicanDesAlpes(里昂球迷)：当番茄酱倒不出来的时候，拍一拍瓶子底，结果一下子就全洒出来了…(When the ketchup doesn't come out, so you smack the bottle and it all comes out at once.)

Amdkeepsmehot(巴萨球迷)：不雨则已，一雨倾盆。(It rains, it pours.)

zod0707(皇马球迷)：罗本的内切射门和梅西的带球假动作，是仅有的两件你明知道他们要做什么但还是对此无能为力的事情…(Robben cutting inside and Messi body faking when on the ball are two things you'd predict easily but still have no solution for it.)

varro-reatinus(阿森纳球迷)：梅西变老了，也能选择用巅峰法布雷加斯的模式再踢个10年…(Messi gets old, decides to become prime Fabregas for a decade.)

Kommye(未知主队球迷)：美国已经打算用奥布拉克去当边境墙了！(The USA is considering hiring Oblak as a wall.)

I_am_oneiros(巴萨球迷)：那不行吧，今天还是有两个拉美人越过了这堵墙的…(Well, a couple of Latin Americans did penetrate this wall...)

萨拉赫进球，利物浦3-1南安普顿

Enclavean(未知主队球迷)： “你好，我是你的主治医生，请问你哪里不舒服呀？”“大夫，我是利物浦球辶…”“好了，你应该去看心脏病的门诊！”(Doc: Hello I’ll be your doctor, what can I do for you? You: Hello. I’m a Liverpool sup… Doc: Right. Off to cardiology you go.)

ryboyin99(利物浦球迷)：媳妇总是要我注意降血压，但我得告诉她在六月前基本是降不下来了…(My wife tells me I need to get my blood pressure down. I told her that’s unlikely until June.)

Alexanderspants(利物浦球迷)：顺便去检查一下括约肌，老是菊花一紧，别给紧坏了…(Also, lets get your sphincter checked for over tension.)

iamjt(利物浦球迷)：也别忘了检查消化道疾病啊，菊花紧得让我拉翔都拉不出来了…(Don't underestimate the digestive problems. I clench so much I can't shit now.)

Plainwrap(洛杉矶银河球迷)：我想知道有多少利物浦球迷愿意接受两个月的休眠，直到六月再醒来看看球队夺冠了没有，而不是像现在这样一天天受煎熬。虽然欢庆少了几分，但起码没什么痛苦…(I wonder how many LFC supporters would accept a 2-month coma and then wake up in June instead of having to live through the end of the title race. No celebration but also no risk of pain.)

KazamaKiryuu(未知主队球迷)：如果南安普顿赢了，那利物浦肯定就会把他们的球员都买走了，而输球就肯定丢分，真是个两难的选择…( If Southampton wins then Liverpool will end up getting their entire squad and if they lose then they drop points. Tough decision.)

kaj1981(未知主队球迷)：如果南安普顿球迷总是嘘他们的前任球员们，那早晚得把自己嘘失声了…(Southampton fans are gonna lose their voices booing ex players all night.)

Searoads(南安普顿球迷)：不会的，都练习这么多年了，我们早就练出来啦！(No we'll be okay. We've had a few years to practice.)

Callum247(热刺球迷)：亨德森是不是不知道用什么庆祝方式好了，干脆就把所有的动作都做了一遍…(Henderson wasn’t sure what type of celebration to do so he tried a little bit of all of them.)

The_Brogrelord(纽卡斯尔球迷)：我们能取消和利物浦接下来的比赛么…(Can we cancel our remaining fixture with liverpool?)

大胜登顶，拜仁5-0多特蒙德

CharlieGuri(沙尔克04球迷)：请记住，这比赛每被叫做“德国国家德比”一次，就会有一只可爱的小狗狗被屠杀…(Remember: Everytime someone calls it „Der Klassiker“ a little puppy dies.)

BookmeisterInfinity(莱比锡球迷)：胡梅尔斯、莱万都进球了，就差格策再进个乌龙了…(Hummels, Lewandowski... Own goal by Götze incoming)

OasisFan89(利物浦球迷)：这周末对中立球迷来说很爽啊，尤文-米兰，拜仁-多特，巴萨-马竞，全是强强对话！(So many big games, Juventus/Milan, Bayern/Dortmund, Barca/Atletico. What a day to be a neutral.)

Vio0(多特蒙德球迷)：他们中出了一个弱鸡…(One is not like the other.)

Bafflon(多特蒙德球迷)：绝望并不可怕，可怕的是先给你希望，然后再一点一点失去她。(Desperation is just final but it hurts more to give you hope in the beginning, but you still lose her in the end.)

GlumElderberry(多特蒙德球迷)：早知如此绊人心，何如当初就咸鱼。(I’d rather we are a mid-team from the start of this season.)

DemetriusXVI(拜仁球迷)：胡梅尔斯今天转变成了拉莫斯模式了！(Hummels is channeling his inner Ramos today.)

Jilletlecroix(牙买加球迷)：并没有，不然罗伊斯又得住院半年了。(Nope, or else Reus would be in hospital for half a year.)

the_propaganda_panda(拜仁球迷)：我们在欧冠16强被淘汰出局，就是为了让多特大意轻敌，其实这是一步大棋！(Exiting CL in the Round of 16 to make Dortmund underrate us - 5D underwater backgammon confirmed.)

Ch1ck3W1ngz(多特蒙德球迷)：其实这场比赛还是势均力敌的，我们差一点就能带球到对方半场一次了…(Very Close match could’ve went either way, dortmund nearly got the ball to the other side of the pitch at least once.)

逆转取胜，尤文2-1米兰

ColonelSpeckleberry(狼队球迷)：意甲的裁判，是不是马上就能开上新的Jeep汽车了…(All the refs in Serie A drive new Jeeps.)

Almostlikeu(米兰球迷)：吾之所见，唯腐败而已。(What did I just see? Corruption.)

挺进足总杯决赛，曼城1-0布莱顿

micoud04(不莱梅球迷)：曼城开场5分钟就进球，还有比这更固定的剧情吗？(City and scoring within 5 minutes. Name a more iconic duo.)

prophecy0091(曼城球迷)：有啊，比如利物浦最后5分钟进绝杀球…(Liverpool and scoring in the last 5 minutes.)

注：此漫画作者来自我国香港哦！fb账号：icsoccer

Ezekiiel(布莱顿球迷)：我们的门将踢了门球，然后我们就再也找不到球了…(goalkeepers kicking the ball you never see that anymore.)

Sdub4(布莱顿球迷)：能在温布利球场看到我们主队踢足总杯半决赛，而且还仅仅1球小负对手，我已经很知足了…(I've seen my team at Wembley in an FA Cup semi-final and we lost by a single goal. No shame in that.)

(图)：上次曼联的最终联赛积分高于曼城的时候...

本泽马梅开，皇马2-1埃瓦尔

Samtheblackmamba(皇马球迷)：老铁们别担心，齐祖已经打算让所有人都去摸他的光头了，这场稳住咱能赢！(Don’t worry guys, Zidane is going to have every one rub his head and we’re going to win.)

Alphasignalphadelta(切尔西球迷)：齐达内一定是有本泽马外挂的作弊码…(Zidane has Benzema cheat codes.)

BigCrashLittleChyna(皇马球迷)：伊斯科刚刚抠了鼻子，那只手随后就去跟克罗斯击掌了…(Isco wiping his nose and then high-fiving Kroos with the same hand.)

Idkfunnyusername(巴萨球迷)：他这…也太勒夫了吧！(that's so Löw of him.)

仍居第四，阿森纳0-1埃弗顿

ModricTHFC(爱尔兰球迷)：自从去年11月以来，阿森纳就只赢了两场客场比赛，那还是在足总杯踢布莱克浦和哈镇…(Arsenal have won two away games since November. Blackpool in the FA Cup and Huddersfield.)

LethamSmurf(阿森纳球迷)：现在是宁愿我厂在主场踢巴萨，也不想去客场踢一个英超中游球队了…(It's gotten to the point where I'd rather we play Barcelona at home than a mid table PL team away