小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”欧冠特辑！两场欧冠半决赛精彩看点层出不穷，阿贾克斯凭借范德贝克的进球客场战胜热刺，而巴萨则在主场大胜利物浦，梅西和苏亚雷斯均上演精彩发挥。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

梅西梅开苏神进球，巴萨3-0利物浦

Veryoriginaleh(皇马球迷)：这真是我看过的最不像3-0的3-0了…(This is the least 3-0 3-0 game I have seen.)

Gountainy1(未知主队球迷)：比踢皇马那场3-0还不像吗？(Even less than that 3-0 against Real Madrid?)

TheLittleCam(AC米兰球迷)：地球人都知道3-0是最危险的领先啊，巴萨下一场危险了！(As we all know, 3 nil is the most dangerous lead. Barca need to be careful next leg. )

Embedednudes(罗马球迷)：利物浦肯定完蛋了！那得什么球队才能翻盘巴萨3个球的领先啊？(Liverpool is already dead. What kind of team could make Barcelona blow up a 3 goals’ lead?)

Carnivalbuster(AC米兰球迷)：球场上这么多鸟是怎么回事？(This fucking bird lmfao.)

MustardQuenelle(阿森纳球迷)：可能是布兰想找一个观看比赛的最好位置吧！(Bran just wants the best view of the match.)

Losblancoscentral(皇马球迷)：这绝对是梅西这赛季最牛逼的任意球了，就算是上帝也扑不出来啊！(That was surely the best freekick of the season from Messi. No words, even God couldn’t save that.)

HarshAgarwal(未知主队球迷)：梅西为什么要去扑自己的任意球啊？(Why would Messi try to save his own freekick?

Jacamacho(贝蒂斯球迷)：巴尔韦德排出了经典的7-0-3阵型！梅西要回到本方半场拿球过掉47个球员然后创造得分良机！(Valverde with the classic 7-0-3 where Messi has to go to his ownside, pick the ball, dribble 47 players and create a chance.)

Johnnyseattle(利物浦球迷)：我的天，比达尔这是长了3个肺吗？这货根本就停不下来！(Holy cow, does Vidal have three lungs? That dude never stops.)

OverTheCovers(加拿大球迷)：范戴克看起来根本就不想靠近梅西…(Van Dijk looks like he doesnt want to get too close to Messi.)

Dieze(法国球迷)：今天利物浦的最佳球员是登贝莱吧！(Dembelé was the best Liverpool player.)

BobsTea(利物浦球迷)：如果有人要找我，请抬头看看房梁上的上吊绳。(If anyone is looking for me I'll be hanging from the rafters.)

jerrie86(曼城球迷)：梅西并不想1对1过人，他都是1对5或6…(Messi doesnt want to do 1v 1. Just the casual 1vs 5 or 6.)

Sabu113(曼联球迷)：梅西这表现就是在踢简单模式的电脑一样…(Messi is like watching a player character against easy AI.)

erldn123(未知主队球迷)：为了让苏亚雷斯不越位，范戴克好像在场上打起盹来了…(VVD caught napping there to keep Suarez onside tbh.)

Jamiejizzle(诺维奇球迷)：哈哈，被苏亚雷斯打进神仙球的滋味不好受吧！(Doesn't feel good having Suarez score amazing goals against you huh.)

(注：苏亚雷斯效力利物浦期间曾多次面对诺维奇打入神仙球)

ColdPinq(巴萨球迷)：我的天，比达尔那传球简直让我性高潮…(oh my god Vidal that pass was orgasmic.)

CUImego(未知主队球迷)：梅西踢进任意球的时候，巴萨球迷在流眼泪，而克洛普在微笑…(barcelona fans burst into tears while Klopp was smile when Messi scored that free kick.)

fingers-crossed(贝蒂斯球迷)：梅西的任意球，比睡觉前妈妈的亲吻还要甜蜜…(Messi’s free kick is sweeter than a mother's kiss at bedtime.)

SexyMooli(巴基斯坦球迷)：范戴克好幸运啊，能够这么近距离地观看梅西踢球！(Van Dijk is incredibly lucky to get to watch Messi play up close like that.)

Zetche(热刺球迷)：范戴克在那里呆呆地看着球，就像是被汽车大灯照到的小鹿一样…(Van Dijk is looking at the ball like a deer in headlights.)

Jackalope117(热刺球迷)：我们还费尽心力想逆转阿贾克斯，这有啥意义呢，最后这个月不还是得被梅西摁着摩擦？(What’s the point in us trying to beat Ajax when we’ll just get reamed by Messi and co in a month.)

MinhazMessi(巴萨球迷)：虽然梅西不在英超踢球，但他已经是这赛季面对英超前六进球最多的球员了…(Messi now has the most goals against the top 6 clubs in Premier League this season and he doesn't even play there.)

-northlondonisred(未知主队球迷)：终于明白英超谁也不想当第四的原因了…(No wonder nobody wants top 4 now...)

Neo_corner(热刺球迷)：登贝莱最后已经很努力地在欢乐了…(Dembele was trolling so hard in the end...)

rpowell19(巴萨球迷)：米尔纳必进球被扑以及萨拉赫门柱带来的遗憾，都被登贝莱上场4分钟就给弥补回来了…(Liverpool should have scored twice: Milner bottling and Salah hitting the post, but Dembele made up for that in his 4 minutes.)

RubberDuckRub(未知主队球迷)：萨拉赫离球门1米的空门都踢不进，而梅西却进了30米外的任意球…(Salah misses from 1 meter while Messi scores from 30.)

_urMumM8_(未知主队球迷)：我们大多数人恐怕这辈子都不会再看到一个像这样超神的球员了...(Most of us won’t see another player of this kind of godlike ability in our lifetimes.)

skrillcosby_(法兰克福球迷)：梅西看登贝莱的表情就像是说：“伊瓜因啥时候来这儿啦？”(Messi's reaction is spot on Dembele. "When did Higuaín get that tan?")

wiserten(未知主队球迷)：登贝莱这射门，就像是你女朋友在踢FIFA一样…(When your girlfriend tries to play FIFA.)

ChainBastard(未知主队球迷)：要是库蒂尼奥踢出登贝莱那种球，还不得被活埋了…(Coutinho would be buried alive for this.)

Anonaccount213(未知主队球迷)：库鸟肯定会先慢下进攻节奏，触几次球然后再传给边上的中场…(Coutinho would slow down the attack, take a couple touches and then sidepass to a midfielder.)

范德贝克进球，阿贾克斯1-0热刺

Zetche(热刺球迷)：同为19岁的我看着德利赫特踢球，我已经怀疑自己这辈子啥也干不成了…(As a 19-year old seeing De Ligt really makes me insecure about everything in my own life ever.) 

Sidaeinjae(韩国球迷)：热刺这阵容，是把这比赛当成踢西汉姆联了么…(Spurs lineup looks like they're going against West Ham or something.)

WonkDog(纽卡斯尔球迷)：忽然想起来，2016年我们卖了西索科和维纳尔杜姆，而现在他俩都去踢欧冠半决赛了…(Just realised we sold Sissoko and Wijnaldum in 2016 and they’re both in CL semi finals...) 

Maaaf(未知主队球迷)：有趣的是，阿贾克斯今年的欧冠收入比他们的年度总预算还要多呢！(Fun fact: Ajax's CL earnings are bigger than their entire annual budget.)

Qurutin(未知主队球迷)：有趣的是，切尔西今年的欧冠收入竟然连我的年度预算都比不上呢！(Fun fact: My annual budget is bigger than CL earnings of Chelsea this year.) 

AboveAverag3(未知主队球迷)：阿贾克斯就像是FIFA游戏里传奇球队的难度一样…(Ajax are like a FIFA team on world class difficulty.)

AsshatVik(热刺球迷)：热刺没有了凯恩和孙兴慜，就像没有弹药的大炮一样…(Spurs without Kane and Son is like an artillery piece with no ammo.)

(图)：最后，让我们祝愿圣卡西早日康复！

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！